Monthly Archives: February 2024

i’ve been away – apologies

i haven’t written because i haven’t been feeling well, tired and sore and a cold! UGH

W too has been sick which always worries me – he’ll be starting antibody infusions as of tomorrow to help keep him from getting sick, over and over.

otherwise things are fine, slow and not kinky! lol just no time, energy or want at the moment. it takes its toll on us both but there we are.

i’m starting to feel a bit better now and so i hope that’s the start of coming back …. not fevered now so that’s a good sign! the weekend is coming and i’m hoping to take full advantage!! *wink*

happy thursday, friends!

❤ n

battered boobies!

one of Master’s favourite sadist kinks is to paddle, flog and smack my tits! :O

this is NOT one of my kinks, at least not to the extreme He enjoys – i do however get very subby and very deep into slavespace when i know i have performed well, for Him! *sigh*

this weekend Master decided He wanted to enjoy His slave in this way, and so He did!

He started by using me as His human blowjob machine (a post in of itself) we went from cock worship to cuffs and hands behind my back, larger collar and leash attached and firmly in His hand, heavy nipple clips and a blindfold! last but certainly not least was the spider gag!! *yikes*

sometime into our session Master decided to start smacking my breast while using His fuckhole (my mouth), eventually He left my mouth to stand behind, body pressed up against me and leash holding my body straight and titties even more exposed!

the flogger came first – the ends hit just so that the sting lingered long after the strike. first the right, then the left, then back again. over and over He did this as i sank deeper and deeper into slavespace – but not TOO deep – when He’s like this He likes to make sure i still feel the pain He needs to give me …

the small wooden paddle was next! that little bitch hurts! *ouch* the more i flinched and whimpered the more i could sense His energy around me and His pleasure in having me endure for Him.

i don’t know how long or what exactly happened, in what order, after that because i did fade away into that lovely little space we all enjoy – when we’ve been very good and Master takes us there …

the skin is irritated and red, the bruises should be out soon. my clothing rubs as i move around the house getting things done. it stings … i remember my Master and His wants and needs, my mission is to provide.

this mindful monday will be an easy one – i can’t forget or not focus – He has left me a very intense reminder! *smiles*

Master said no nips! so this is what i can get photos of for now!

happy monday, friends!

❤ n

limits??

i got asked if i had any limits. i know, i know M/s so no limits, right?? well, not exactly.

i had mentioned in a previous post how all things in our dynamic were thought out and agreed upon BEFORE entering into our arrangement. so technically you can say i have no limits because i have no say but truthfully, since i have full faith and trust in my Master, i know He won’t do anything that we had originally put onto a hard limits list.

we have however renegotiated things over the years! i feel it’s always good to take a minute and assess all things in your dynamic, decide what works, what doesn’t and what you may want to add or increase. originally it was every 3 to 6 months, then yearly and now whenever it seems like a good time! lol the last few years have been crazy so it was fly by the seat of our pants kind of days …

so limits, well we’re monogamous so there are a bunch of things right there that we don’t need to discuss or consent to. there is however a fantasy of adding a unicorn to our sex life once in a while. this is no easy task so i can’t say it’s really something we’ve hashed out exactly but …. the fantasy i wrote and the post what is it about the penis both touch on how it might work.

a definite hard NO is blood sports. as a person who has used cutting as a method of self harm, there is absolutely no way i can even consider that. i’ve written a few times about this on the other blog and even about a worried time for me when i accidently cut myself in the shower, shaving! it was a nasty long gash on my leg and i was worried it may trigger a need. fortunately it did not.

scatt play – no thank you, not our kink and i know Master has no need for it so still not an issue. so much so that i regularly use an anal douche to be sure of cleanliness since we do engage in a lot of anal play. it also feels a bit humiliating, so that works for me too! *wink*

i’m not sure if i have any other kinky limits …. humm …

the boys, that’s a limit, Master does not have the right to unilaterally decide anything to do with the future of the boys. they are my children too so everything is discussed and agreed upon, first.

i can’t really think of any others – if you can, ask!

Master decided to work this morning to make up for all the new expenditures this past week! He doesn’t normally and i never like it when He’s away on the weekend but i’m putting on my big girl panties and not sulking or whining about it.

i made sure to give Him a proper send off this morning! ‘muffled whimpers’ comes to mind as a title for this story should i write it! lol He tweaked and twisted my nipples and grabbed and manhandled my breasts – all while having Himself DEEP into my throat.

my pain, His pleasure and not much noise to be heard! He’s so E-vile! thank you, Master ❤ ❤

happy saturday, friends!

❤ n

on display

i have a very dark masochistic desire to be objectified and put on display.

it would need to be somewhere away from where we live because there is no way i could do so, and get away with it, in my current line of work or town! lol but it is there.

crawling through the mud? no problem

sleeping in a cage? no problem

poked, prodded and examined like a prized cow? no problem

labeled and paraded down the beach, naked and leashed ..? no problem. (assuming it’s a kink accepting place, i have no want to expose unwilling participants to our kink. consent is consent, even from them.)

it’s emotional masochism, i think it stems from the fact that i am SOOOO much in control of so many things, and always have been.

the stronger the person, the deeper the hole we need??? i don’t know, i just know it’s here. everything else to me is trivial. things others feel shame in i have always quite admired about myself! lol

we’re kinky as fuck. ‘my’ side is for sure – pretty sure i passed that down to my kids, too! lol

my only regret? i fear my oldest has let propriety rob him of his kinky nature, … for now! i hope he gets it back.

❤ n

what we are not

as usual, being over at Jon Masters blog sparks ideas in this hoppy little mind, so i thought i’d write a very short … what we are not.

the idea of abuse in M/s is what sparked this 🙂

we are not Michael Makai – we are not NXIVM (Keith Raniere) – we are not Andrew Tate , should have recycled your pizza boxes, dumb ass!

Jon had a picture, which was pretty obviously just set for a photo op, but the picture itself wasn’t offensive to me. i enjoy aspects of humiliation and degradation, much more than the picture itself. it did however remind me that no matter how kinky and how different we all can be, there are still abusive relationships and organizations out there. some under the labels we use …

use your common sense. if it feels wrong to you, stop.

if you are miserable – stop

if however you are enjoying yourself, no matter how it may look to the outside world – well, knock your socks off! *grin*

stay kinky, stay safe, stay sane!

happy friday, friends!

❤ n

so … that hurt!

one of the biggest draw backs, for me, when i get into this mindset is that He can hurt my feelings – very badly!

i know He doesn’t mean to and i know He doesn’t mean it when He says stuff like this – does He say stuff like this?? is this the way the people He talks to daily view me???

that fucking hurts! i’m not sugar coating, i know He’ll be upset – with Himself – and maybe He should be …

He accidently butt dialed me this morning – i heard Him commiserating about how dogs are wonderful, always happy to greet you at the door – unlike wives. He’s not the one who started the conversation but it certainly sounded like He was joining in, in agreement.

i wasn’t supposed to hear that, He dialed by mistake. makes me wonder how many other times He agrees with men, commiserates about wives and disinterest and such. how many times He makes it sound like our relationship is like any other vanilla, unhappy and disinterested man He works with.

my heart is pounding, the tears are threatening and i’m working on forgiving – but that hurt.

if i wasn’t so invested i suppose i wouldn’t give a damn. just get back at Him with some snarky comment to the next person i met – but i can’t do that. i just can’t …

work in progress

i’ve been really trying to work on my mindset and attitude – i admit there is probably a bit more bratty than sassy going on, at least there is in my head. i’m in serious need of a good reset … we shall see what Master decides *smiles*

i’ve also been working on being good and available to Master at all times. been making pretty good progress there! lol i’ve been sleeping pretty well this week so i am normally up when He is. i’ve been testing the notion that perhaps He would like me to rub on Him and help Him to get ‘up’ in the mornings! seems like a hit so far!

this morning He made me tell Him what i liked. He knows what i like of course but He wanted me to ‘say it out loud‘ i told Him i liked being fucked by Him, i liked being His slut, i liked having my holes used by Him, i liked being of service and being for His pleasure *blush* …. i liked being spanked by Him, and i didn’t like pushing His buttons too far … *Eek*

that got me thinking on how things used to work when we were a bit deeper into our dynamic and energy of M/s. i may have to start a friday confessional?!? He can’t know what goes on when He’s not around of course and even if things seem pretty benign … sometimes to me they feel not quite ‘right’ and leave me with some … guilt?!?! is that right?? UGH

i’m not interested in being in any sort of trouble BUT i think that perhaps giving Him more information so that He may decide whether or not i need to be held accountable or even just reset with ‘maintenance’ of some sort?!?

i’m not allowed to undress by myself when Master is home so i can’t be naked but i have been sneaking up early at bed time and kneeling in wait. well, and the other night too *blush* that really helped to get my head into the right slavespace to serve. my cycle has started so that part of our routine is kind of a hit and miss right now. fingers crossed it’s not 6 weeks of endometriosis crap this time!!

seems writing again is already putting my head into the slavespace that i crave.

happy february, friends! i will try to hit on all suggestions so far … 🙂 keep them coming!

❤ n