baby steps

i can’t stand this back and forth of moving forward and then stalling but it’s part of the process and so i must try my best to be patient. with Master and with myself!

the kneeling/mediation has been a nice comfort to get back to – when my body allows it. master told me to pick between Nadu and Humble yesterday so i picked Humble.

Nadu might not seem too difficult and it really shouldn’t be but for me, it is! the kneeling part is easily managed with the help of my meditation bench but the rest – not so easy! the position of the head/neck puts a lot of pressure on my neck/spine and shoulders. i held the position (with a few eventual adjustments) on tuesday and by wednesday my shoulders and neck muscles were screaming at me! 😛

the second hardship is the twisting of the elbows and the extension of the wrists – BOTH big issues for me when i’m in a flare up, or basically all the damn time now to be honest. when Master has me hold it just for Him to look on and enjoy He has me turn my hands over to alleviate the pain and most of the problem. since i was on my own i wanted to try to be true to the position.

i won’t be doing that again – i just simply can’t do that and then function the rest of the day/week! *sigh* this is what happens if i try …

pretty sure ‘normal’ hands don’t look like that! LMAO it happens to me all the time but you can see now for yourself why these seemingly simple tasks and anything but simple, for me!

anywho …

today in hopes of trying to get my sex drive and sluttiness kick started i choose to add the ben wa balls to the plug that Master has ordered as my kink task for today (as long as they will stay in place! 😛 ) He didn’t order them but He has no problem with me adding to things if it helps my mindset to serve Him better. i’m not allowed to play or orgasm without permission BUT getting myself into the right mood is not only okay but preferred by Him *wink*

so far seems to be working … *grin* i’m hoping it will continue to although i will take THOSE out for work. wouldn’t want them falling into the middle of the room now would we??? so far they are certainly getting my kinky mind focused on the things He and i both enjoy. fingers crossed we’re one step farther in our quest to get back to kinky AF!! 😉 😉

tgif, friends! ❤