i’m a masochist – Master is a sadist

but it wasn’t always quite so cut and dry. even now the reasons and the hows may surprise some.

when we started out in this realm of being with each other i think i would have considered myself more of a ‘spanko’ and Master simply interested in giving me sexual arousal and making me very wet! 😛 that in turn of course turned Him on, but not so much the act of spanking – just the turning me on and wet!

from there (and some naughty videos later where He could clearly see it seemed to be enjoyed by others too!) i believe He began noticing His own arousal from giving spankings. i, on the other hand, began noticing my arousal at pain! Eek!! the sessions became harder and longer and the toys became more intense and sturdy!

now this is one part where it gets tricky, Master would almost always fuck me afterwards and allow (many) orgasms. He was getting very turned on by our sessions and, i think, the need to then own and control me … He also found He enjoyed forced orgasms, but that’s for another time *smiles* me, i was finding that many times i didn’t want or need sex, well not until He started playing with me in a sexual way, but before, before that i would have been very happy to end with pain and bondage and nothing else.

well, aftercare of course, you never go without aftercare! it may be lots or it may be just a short check in but you always do something …

then it changed again – i began noticing that i don’t really get turned on without some sort of pain or BDSM. i also noticed that i can’t orgasm without pain! anything else amounts to a ruined orgasm at best and nothing at all in most cases. so yeah, masochist.

it also became clear that i needed the bondage and s&m in one form or another to be well balanced and relatively stress free in my mind and spirit. this did start to dip into the area of self harm, something i wrote about previously so i’ll leave it at that and you can ask if you wish for further explanation.

this is why i like the term dynamic – we have changed and evolved over time. some needs grew from our experiences i think and some were simply put out into the light. we are now at a time i will submit to His will in BDSM because sometimes He finds a need for sexual gratification from it and sometimes i submit because He has a darker, deeper side that needs to come out to play.

‘Yes, make noises, I want to hear them. I love to hear you whimper and whine for me.’

‘I love the look of your ass, of your body, … but I love it with my marks on it, more.’

‘Here, I’ll hold you by your hair to make you face the mirror. I want to see your face while I paddle your ass.’

and the first one i think i remember Him ever saying out loud ‘I do love to watch you struggle, for me.’

so yeah, sometimes it’s because it’s sexual, sometimes it’s because He knows i enjoy it and sometimes it’s because He knows right then i don’t enjoy, but i endure.

clear as mud?!?! lol

happy friday, friends! dogs seem to be telling me Master is home! *smirk*

ttfn ❤ n