the holidays are over and Master is back to work. i have one more week before i have to get back and it gives me one week to try to get the house in order, again!!
i like having Him home, obviously, but it seems that nothing gets done! lol Master likes to hang out and just relax with His little rabbit but i do find it’s a lot of sitting around and not much ‘doing’! He works hard and deserves to do whatever He wants with His holiday time, i’m not going to pretend that He doesn’t … i just tend to get a bit jumpy!
there is plenty of sex, and usually spanking/impact play too BUT the other kinky things that keep me going through the day get shoved aside. why? i honestly have no clue. all i know is that it seems to happen and i don’t even realize i’m missing it until its brought me ‘down’. not sure how to explain it really …. just a bit frustrating for me.
it happens more when He is in His Daddy zone i suppose, perhaps i just haven’t quite adjusted completely, yet. i read something quite some time ago from LQP where she described deep diving into her M/s as a way to cope with the stressors in her life at the time, an escape. i was pretty deep into my M/s groove at the time so i didn’t really understand BUT i think i do now.
when W was in and out of hospital and i was by his side 24/7 everything was almost on auto pilot! as soon as we were afforded more days at home than away, well we dove deep into M/s, emotional masochism, denial – you name it. it was a constant state of ‘slavespace’ for me.
when i wasn’t in hospital or dealing with medical issues for W of course, that ALWAYS snapped me out of it. i just fell back into it almost immediately afterwards. i suppose you could say it was an escape … humm
it’s been a while since we were quite that far into the dynamic i suppose, with my own health going berserk, and then the getting back to work and back to life. well, mostly my health issues …. they really did stop fun times from happening and kink when you are bleeding, heavily for 6 weeks and have NO energy to speak of PLUS ridiculous amounts of NON consensual pain!! lol and it happens repeatedly through the year! UGH
anyway, i’m hoping for a better 2024 on many fronts! i have finally started to take care of my own health so i’m hopeful but not TOO hopeful. lots of medical gaslighting will do that to a bunny i suppose! 😛
i need to get my head back in the game as they say, if i want this relationship to get back to where i need it. Master likes ‘pre-emptive’ acts of submission. it’s no big deal for me when i’m already ‘there’ mentally. getting there however can be a bit of an uphill battle. i’m finding myself a bit snippy – sassy sure, but probably beyond where i should be. at least it is in my head even if i do manage to keep it together – outwardly.
Master mentioned a couple days ago that i needed a good spanking to get my head back in place – it never happened though. one thing after another and now He’s back at work. the more out of sorts i get, the more out of sorts He gets. it’s great we’re so closely linked … but sometimes it’s not! LoL
oh well, back to the drawing board as they say. i took my cuffs off this morning when i got up but i left my collar on, for now. i figured W wouldn’t be up very early since i heard him still walking around at 1:30 this morning. the cuffs take a bit but the collar i’m sure i can get off before he finds me when i hear him get up! *wink*
my goals for this week are:
- get more engaged with Master on a kinky level without having to be prompted
- get the house back in order (as best as i can) before i have to get back to work next week
- get back to my workouts, even if some do need to be more subdued, because i just feel better all around
- put that kneeling bench to use!! it works well for keeping my body in good working order, and my mind too! and then i can write about my experience for you all 🙂
- write up some points i have noticed for skin care, especially for a well spanked ass – as promissed
- just write more, period. it helps to focus my thoughts, especially submissive ones so that i can be more of what He wants
so far this morning i have managed to engage Him into giving me a few more instructions than what He had originally ordered for me. i’m in a strange spot physically right now so i know He’s more cautious but if i flirt and tease than He basically gets a ‘green light’ of sorts. He may be Master, but He’s not a monster. He always puts my wellbeing first. *smiles*
a few masochistic rituals and the kneeling bench are on the list for today. an anal plug is on the list for the week (does that mean over night? guess i’ll find out) until my cycle starts. this post was a bit of a mental download but i do hope to be back writing a bit more fun or kinky things soon. maybe later? who knows – i need to see just where i can get my mind to today!
let’s see what this new year brings …
❤ n
*** possibly a list of wants?? humm, that could lead me to an interesting place. i don’t think i’ve provided one at all in the last 12 months! no, 24 months – holy crap!! :O
Exploring M/s and Sexuality 